Upon opening the box, I found that either the number of holes had been insufficient to keep the porcupine alive, or else the poor creature had frozen to death in the cold temperatures we've been having this morning.
...As a side note, I have to say that I certainly wonder what delivery company ACME Reviews uses as their postal service. UPS and FEDEX don't deliver before 5AM, do they?
Anyway.
Along with the porcupine was a bottle of hairspray. For porcupines.
Puzzled? So was I. But I'll get into that in my review.
Unfortunately, I couldn't really use the spray on a dead porcupine and call it a proper review, so I went down to the convenience store on the corner and bought a porcupine. I hope I get reimbursed for such expenditures.
Porcupine Hairspray Review
Pros:
-Extra-strength marking on package is not a lie.
-Blowback from aerosol is enough to keep one's arm hair sticking up through at least two days and six showers.
-Definitely gives your porcupine a distinct new hairdo.
Cons:
-OMG IT WON'T COME OFF!
-Very 90's. Can you say "Big Hair?"
-Okay, ACME Reviews. Really. How many of your reviewers SURVIVE their first year on the job? I mean, you have sent me some amazingly dangerous stuff, and the litany of antagonistic products does not appear to be abating! What am I supposed to do with a porcupine which has its quills sticking out in every direction of the XYZ axis? I have a Prickly Ball of Death rolling around my home now!
Verdict:
The makers of PorcuSpray have inadvertently created a rival to Viagra. I therefore rate this product one erect (censored).
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