FelineMan Review

A recurrent trend in older comic books was as follows:

1. Create male superhero.
2. Create offshoot characters, e.g., sidekick and supervillains.
3. Create female version of superhero, either as villain to play off superhero or as her own superheroine branch of the franchise so there is something to market to female comic book readers.

A more modern trend in Japan is for female anime characters to become "catgirls," female humanoids with cat-like qualities such as ears and tails.  They also have their opposite-gender companions.

...Why so long a preface to this review?   Because I'm still trying to understand the origins of that which arrived on my doorstep today.  The sigh of a box with holes in it is one to make me shudder nowadays (remember the last time that happened?), especially considering the size of this one, but I knew that if I left it alone whatever was inside would probably die, and I'm not that cruel.

FelineMan Review

Pros:
-FelineMan has fabulous powers.
-FelineMan can lick himself.  After a sufficient amount of licks, FelineMan can expectorate high-speed hairball projectiles to knock a villain clean off his feet in a non-lethal fashion.
-FelineMan is, contrary to my intial suspicions, very kind to dogs.
-FelineMan's reaction to catnip will provide hours of entertainment.

Cons:
-FelineMan came with fleas.
-FelineMan's singing voice leaves something to be desired.
-FelineMan can use a can opener all on his own.  This resulted in the decimation of all my canned goods before I returned home today.  He didn't even eat any of it; he just opened everything.
-FelineMan's weakness is hair products.  And, unfortunately, he found the can of porcupine hairspray left over from a few reviews ago...

Verdict: I was unable to complete my review of this FelineMan since curiosity did, indeed, kill the cat.

Posted Review of a Post

Have you ever seen those signs that say "Posted" stapled to trees and fences on the side of the road, signifying private property or some such thing?  Well, I think someone has taken that concept a little too far.

A "Postal" Review

Pros:
-It certainly gets its point across.
-If a trespasser's lawyer were to try to point out that the prosecution had not posted a sign properly, this sign would remove all doubt.
-If, and I reiterate IF, this sign is a parody trying to show that putting the word "Posted" at the top of a posted sign is a ridiculous waste of space, then well done.

Cons:
-Self-destructively self-referencing.  'Nuff said.

Verdict:  I deem this sign to be postable, but only in special situations.  Use judgment accordingly.

Review of Being a Wal-Mart Parking Lot

I had the strangest dream.  However, given the date, I must recognize that it wasn't actually a dream -- it was a reality, however improbable such a reality might be: I became a Wal-Mart parking lot for a few months.

(Yeah.  You've probably been wondering why I haven't been updating my blog more often.  Well, let me tell you, it's kinda hard to type when you DON'T HAVE ANY FINGERS.  Holy Indian Cow, ACME Reviewing Company!  After going through my contract I realize you're allowed to change my existence when necessary to accomplish a review, but really?)

Review of Being a Wal-Mart Parking Lot

Pros:
-Never have I appreciated all that asphalt does for us more.
-I think I have seen enough undercarriages of all makes and models of cars to become a mechanic, if I should ever (be so fortunate as to) lose this reviewing gig.
-Having spent most of the last two months watching traffic patterns on myself, I now have an uncanny ability to find the empty parking space which is closest to the door nine times out of a trial of ten.

Cons:
-When you're a parking lot, you have no choice but to let people walk all over you.
-Personally encountering that much used spitting tobacco, vomit, alcohol, trash, etc., has never been a life goal of mine.
-The undercarriage of cars was not the only 'underview' with which I was graced.  Upskirt, uppant, upshorts, upkilt, updiaper, upoveralls... and let me tell you, the view was NOT pretty.
-I didn't get a lunch break.  Admittedly I didn't have a stomach at the time, but it's the principle of the thing.

Verdict:
I rate this experience three words: DO NOT WANT!