Review of Being a Wal-Mart Parking Lot

I had the strangest dream.  However, given the date, I must recognize that it wasn't actually a dream -- it was a reality, however improbable such a reality might be: I became a Wal-Mart parking lot for a few months.

(Yeah.  You've probably been wondering why I haven't been updating my blog more often.  Well, let me tell you, it's kinda hard to type when you DON'T HAVE ANY FINGERS.  Holy Indian Cow, ACME Reviewing Company!  After going through my contract I realize you're allowed to change my existence when necessary to accomplish a review, but really?)

Review of Being a Wal-Mart Parking Lot

Pros:
-Never have I appreciated all that asphalt does for us more.
-I think I have seen enough undercarriages of all makes and models of cars to become a mechanic, if I should ever (be so fortunate as to) lose this reviewing gig.
-Having spent most of the last two months watching traffic patterns on myself, I now have an uncanny ability to find the empty parking space which is closest to the door nine times out of a trial of ten.

Cons:
-When you're a parking lot, you have no choice but to let people walk all over you.
-Personally encountering that much used spitting tobacco, vomit, alcohol, trash, etc., has never been a life goal of mine.
-The undercarriage of cars was not the only 'underview' with which I was graced.  Upskirt, uppant, upshorts, upkilt, updiaper, upoveralls... and let me tell you, the view was NOT pretty.
-I didn't get a lunch break.  Admittedly I didn't have a stomach at the time, but it's the principle of the thing.

Verdict:
I rate this experience three words: DO NOT WANT!